Healing Looks Like Hell Before It Looks Like Progress

Let’s clear this up:

You’re not lazy.

You’re not weak.

You’re not “just unmotivated.”

You’re carrying trauma. The kind that rewires your nervous system to freeze, shut down, collapse. The kind that teaches your body it’s safer to not try than to risk failing, being seen, or punished.

But that’s not laziness. That’s survival.

Here’s the tricky part, though: What once kept you safe now keeps you stuck.

But the good news is—you can rewire it.

It won’t feel natural at first. In fact, it’ll feel wrong. Your brain will whisper that it’s pointless. That you’re too late. That you’ve already failed.

That’s the trauma talking.

It lies.

Because the truth is...healing is clumsy. Rebuilding yourself takes awkward, inconsistent effort. It looks like crying on the floor and then making a list anyway. Like trying, quitting, trying again. Like doubting every move but still making one.

Every rejection. Every misstep. Every plop down on the couch.

Every “almost” that felt like failure.

These moments don’t disqualify you.

They build you—if you let them.

If you don’t learn to take those failures and turn them into something you want—something that serves you—then you’re setting yourself up for a life full of pain.

But hey, you won’t be alone. Most people do exactly that.

But if you can take those moments—the ones where you didn’t try, or tried and fell short—and face them, learn from them, and choose to keep going anyway...then you’ve got a real shot. You'll have success if you don’t stop...if you allow that failure after failure to build you and build your confidence, because you've learned more and more by putting yourself out there, by putting yourself into positions where you can and do learn.

A teacher of mine once said that the Native American Rain Dance was 100% successful every time.

Then he said,

Because they never stop dancing until it rains.

For the trauma survivor, this can be especially difficult. You may be starting off with little self-confidence, possible depression, and feelings of unworthiness. But these rules apply to everyone. Persistence is the true key to success.

You can have every excuse in the world, but those excuses get you more of the same.

You don’t have to do everything all at once. Start small.

Get an erasable whiteboard. Put it where you’ll see it often.

Write down your goals. Write down your dreams.

If you haven't gotten in touch with that within yourself, then now is the time.

Start making lists of the things you love...of the dream of all that you want.

Write down your wishes. Write down your desires. All of them. Don't limit yourself to what you think is possible, write down your dreams as though you had no limitations, no education needed, no money needed, no time needed...nothing stopping you.

Once you've whittled down your top five, choose from there. Number them in order of importance and keep this list in a safe place. Then go back to your whiteboard again and start fresh.

Write down the sentences that need to be said to your subconscious mind to help you begin to believe that you actually have the capacity to do these things.

Write:

“I am worthy of…”

“I am fully capable of and excel at…”

Say these things every morning and every night.

If you’re not in that rhythm, that’s OK too. Say them every time you pass your whiteboard (and make sure that whiteboard is in a prominent, well-traveled part of your home).

Saying these things out loud—with positive, pressing emotion—gets through to your subconscious brain.

It rewires you to take those steps that you kept making excuses about.

There are ways to get there.

But if you give up because “it doesn’t work,”

then you’ve forgotten the teaching of the Rain Dance.

So plop if you must...but then rise.

Speak the words.

Touch your whiteboard.

Try again.

You’re not lazy.

You’re healing.

And healing is hard work.

But damn… you’re worth every bit of the effort.

~Janice M. Burke

Image by Ardalan Hamedani from Unsplash