What do you really want? Have you taken the mirror test? Who do you see when you look at your reflection? Do you see the person you want to be? It can be difficult when you are in a deep seated, constant, extreme stress. This is the normal life of Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Add to it well meaning people that want to tell you about what you already know about yourself and you have a recipe for further extreme stress. C -PTSD is PTSD carried on over long periods of time, often mostly mental and emotional abuse, seasoned with physical subtleties. Many people have no understanding of why a person with C-PTSD would not just take action on things that seem simple to them. So then, in well meaning ways, they try to “help” you. Let’s talk about the word “help”. It seems such a simple word, but it is kind of like the word 'love', it has a different meaning for each person. Each person has their own perspective of what that means. For instance, lending a “helping“ hand to a drug addict by giving money for drugs is not help at all. In the same way, pointing out obvious flaws to a person with C-PTSD is also not help at all. Instead, it can push the problem in deeper. This is why it’s important to understand what C-PTSD is and the effects of it. Because, if a well meaning person does not understand this, their “help” will only exacerbate an already deeply rooted problem. The weight of previous mental and emotional abuse causes inner resistance to positive change due to negative beliefs about self and others and limiting views of self that was created from the long term abuse.
For a C-PTSD recoverer, the best “help” we can get is gentle accountability. Finding people who are on a healthy path (often found in groups, find one that interests you and feels right then stick around). Then, either announce your plans and encourage people to ask you about it the next time you meet, or, better yet, find someone you feel comfortable with and ask if they will be your accountability partner. You can each benefit so much from this.
Then begin, it is important to have a daily morning and evening routine. When you get up in the morning, what do you do? Get on your phone? I can tell you that I’ve been doing that lately and it’s not a good habit for a peaceful and productive day! It only frames your day with someone elses views from things like emails, websites, social media, etc. It never gives you opportunity to sit peacefully with yourself considering what you want for the day or what you want in life. Instead, taking quiet time with yourself and then writing out goals for the day and 3, 5 and 10 year goals will focus you on the positives and help you keep boundaries with others because your energies and actions will become focused in a fruitful way.
Developing a sleep routine that is healthy is equally as important. If you work at night, this can be more difficult, but at least make a set time for bed, without a set time, it will be easy to stay up even later with distractions. Maybe someone will want to text late at night, or you might be watching a class video, maybe you will be working on a project, whatever the reason, it’s important to find the willpower to put those things down at a given time that you choose and to set the boundaries needed within. Doing these types of things will instill more confidence in you. They will signal to your Inner Child that you are taking care of yourself. Once this happens, a big part of the stress begins to lift, and you can begin to climb out piece by piece of your overwhelmed state of being. This is a fast moving society and what is expected of us at this time can sometimes feel superhuman, but when we are gentle with ourselves and give our Inner Child the healthy life structures and boundaries it needs and we do it while building healthy relationships, we can be so much more than we ever imagined.
~Janice M. Burke
Image by Nonresident from Unsplash
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